Be all there.

Life is crazy. Downright crazy. It's exciting, boring, hopeful, depressing, promising, revealing, short, never ending. Sometimes in the middle of it, we just shut down. At least I do. So this is my place to keep my mind thinking, keep my heart alive, and hopefully make great friends who can become a support system when I'm not brave enough to go to the people physically closest to me.

I used to have a life I was genuinely  happy with. Time has taken that away. As kids, we often hear that time changes everything, but we don't understand how true that is. We think that some things, at least, are unchangeable. It's not true. Everything is open and everything is vulnerable.

My title for this blog is a quote from a story I heard once about an old lady who had a lived a long hard life, but somehow she managed to keep her joy. She was known as the type of woman everyone loved and people had genuine connections with. When somehow asked her how she did it, she said that she kept one thought at the front of her mind, no matter what. "Wherever you're at, be all there." She explained that when you're talking to someone, don't let your mind wander. Live in the conversation. Forget about the food you need to prepare in ten minutes and the fight you just got in. Give them your undivided attention. When you lose someone you love, remember them, but don't dwell in the past. Be where you are. See the people who are still right there. Look at the blessings you still have. Don't worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday. Choose to live!

This is who I want to be.

It's not necessarily who I am now, and if you continue to read, I'm sure you'll see that. I'm dissatisfied with my life. I miss the past. I'm scared about tomorrow. But right now, I'm sitting in beautiful library on a brand new touch screen computer, with the guy I love sitting next to me.

There may be stories and joy and pain behind it, but this is a beautiful snapshot in my life. Simple, but beautiful.

 Because I'm here and I'm alive, and I have this moment.

So I'm going to be thankful.

I can be pissy tomorrow.